I understand that scissors can beat paper,

and I get how rock can beat scissors,

but there's no way paper can beat rock.

Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile?

Why can't paper do this to scissors?

Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people?

Why aren't sheets of collage ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating

students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because a paper can't beat anybody,

a rock would tear it up in two seconds.

When I play rock, paper, scissors, I always choose rock.

Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with

their paper I can punch them in the face with my already

clenched fist and say;

"Oh sorry, I thought paper would protect you"